The Life Fix

Kids today have a generationally-expectant "LOLspeak" phrase, "FML" or "f" my life. And while I am nowhere near the point where that sentiment would be even remotely accurate, with the constant and ever-ramping up of contention in today's society, the child-like bickering of our national leaders, and the general unsettling in virtually every facet of life, I really am getting tired of it all.

Now fear not, there is no garden-hose-in-the-gas-tank in my future. There is however a big change a commin', because I have always been a huge believer that, while we are expected to struggle and overcome during our time here on earth, the God of my/your/our choice surely meant this to also be a time and place of great joy and excitement and of wanting anticipation about the coming day; and quite frankly, I haven't felt that in quite some time.

And I don't think I'm alone.

Therefore, as today is Hump Day, the day we here at The Lounge find something and "fix" it, today we are going to describe exactly how to fix...life.

Step 1: HAVE A REASON TO GET UP
I find having both a long term and a short term purpose most effective; the long term provides me a structure on which to base my beliefs and priorities, the short term helping to provide motivation and those priorities, to optimize productivity.

For me, the long term is my faith. If you do not subscribe to a particular spiritual belief, it could be planning a trip to the next Summer Olympics or retiring comfortably before you turn 60. (And yeah, if you're looking for a good spiritual path, I'd be happy to share mine, because it rocks).

The short-term could include anything from making your monthly nut or putting your kids through college, to things as basic (yet still important) as making a difference in your community or keeping a perpetual smile of the face of your Significant Other. Whatever it is that will motivate you each and every day and help you to buzz through that ever-changing list of tasks that will get you there.

Step 2: BUY A TANDEM BICYCLE
Life was not meant to be lived alone. To the contrary, I believe that a life suffered alone is not lived at all, but merely experienced, and even then, not fully. This does not suggest that if you find a partner with whom you share a mortgage, a bed, and turns taking out the trash that you are sharing your life. That means you have a roomate.

Find someone who means more to you than anything or anyone on the planet, and to whom you mean just as much. That is not to say that this person will override your love and priority for your children or your own individual interests (or you theirs), but rather that it will be important for them (and you) to be a part of the others. And no, this will not require your S.O. to be a part of everything you do, or visa versa; that would insure disaster and this is not a lecture for Co-Dependents Anonymous. What it means is that you want them to be a part of most of the elements of your life and for those activities that are yours alone, you're excited to tell your loved one about it...because you know they'll be interested.

Often in today's society, I think people get married for the wrong reasons; not wanting to be alone or needing to feel loved among the most common, and the most likely to end in heartache. There is nothing wrong with wanting to not be alone or wanting to feel loved. But make sure that you and your prospective paramour share common interests. Know that laughter you share now isn't forced, and that the "little things" you presume you'll get over or aren't a big deal won't end up as dealbreakers. Does this person criticize everything you do, or are they always making corrections about even the smallest thing? Are you always being told you need to pay attention because you never remember a conversation correctly? These attributes don't make this person a bad human being, not at all. But if you find yourself biting your tongue a lot, or needing to rationalize things this person does , it most likely means the two of you would be much better off being good, close, respectful friends and not looking to run off into eternity together.

3. REDUCE THE GUEST LIST
Neighbors. Family. Church Members. Co-Workers. Little League Parents. Spinning Classmates at the Gym. Now that you have set the priorities and goals in your life and you have someone with whom to share the journey, you need to free up some time and space so that you can not only reach your goals, but enjoy the ride. The old axiom says: "if you try to do two things at once, you will either do both poorly or neither well", and I couldn't agree more.

I am not suggesting you lead a "tunnel vision" life, focusing on one singular interest. If however, you find you need to have a bi-weekly meeting to coordinate schedules and rearrange your personal activities, chances are you have too much on your plate and nothing that you do accomplish will be anywhere near it's optimum level.

Do you have a dozen "best friends" in your church, or is it more like two couples that you really enjoy spending time with and ten others who are the "cool folk" that you just want to hang with? Do you have time (or even really want) to coach the youth soccer team this season, or are you merely afraid you'll look like an uninvolved parent if you beg off for a year? Do you head to the gym three days a week because you want to get yourself (and keep yourself) healthy and in shape or because of the really groovy people you've met there?

You have a have person at the top of your totem pole, and of course you each have your own friends to whom the other has no or little interest or involvement. But the two of you have a few close friends you like being with and maybe a couple of rug rats and all that comes along with them, and sure, you have to make an appearance at the company picnic, the Pee-Wee Football Fund Raiser and your annual high school reunion.

Do yourself a favor. Get a 3x5 card and write down a dozen or so plausible excuses why you can't make it to all 27 Christmas parties, serve on the next committee, or head over to your brother's house every weekend when he breaks out the bar-b-que. You have a life, and you have already determined who you want to share the bigger portion of that life with. Try to be a friend to and accommodate everyone, you're either going to be a poor friend to all of them, or not a very good friend to any of them.

STEP 4. GET OUT OF THE RACE
Plasma. iPod. Prius. Telluride. The E Series. There is nothing wrong with wanting nice things, until it gets to the point where you are so busy and angst-ridden trying to pay for it all, you don't have time to enjoy any of it. So, quit trying to keep up with the Joneses (except this one, because I'm easy!) and start being a much happier you.

Here are a few tips:
* You can get a nice 32" flat-screen plasma for around $400. If you need bigger, you're just compensating for something else that is smaller and hey, we love ya anyway.
* Let the bottle-bleach blonde with the new chest and inflatable lips down the block do the 8mpg SUV thing. If you need to cart your starting five to practice every day, save yourself 20k and hook up with a Dodge Grand Caravan; 22 mpg, roomy as all get-out @ half the price with tons of fun extras. Or just stick with the beat up Chevy step-side. The kids'll think it's cool to ride around town in the back anyway.
* The Touch Screen-iPod-Fantasy-Turbo-Mobile....IT'S A PHONE!!!! Please tell me when it because necessary for everyone to be accessible, 24/7, to every information and communication medium known to man? I swear, I am this close to proposing an amendment to the Constitution to make it illegal for a mobile phone to BE anythng but a mobile phone. TWO Motorola Moto340 phones - from Verizon - FREE. 1700 anytime minutes, no roaming charge, picture mail, unltd photo and txt mssging - $89.99/mo.
* You don't ski, catch cold easy, and suffer for vertigo. So why did you pay 12% over market for your "winter place" outside of Aspen? There are some very nice vacation spots...uh...anywhere in the world, with no leaky roofs or out of season vandalism to worry about. And if this summer comes quicker than you expected and you don't think you'll be able to afford the trip you've been promising, just put it on the Underhill's American Express card. Want the number?

Step 5. Burn The Mortgage
I don't mean to your home, although if you can make that one extra payment a year (which you should be able to easily now that you've gotten rid of all the CRAP in your life), you'll be able to torch that puppy in half the time and save yourself about 100k.

This step in about burning the mortgage to your life, because now YOU OWN IT! I'm dead serious Lounge Lizards, most of what I've proposed takes nothing more than a couple of hours of clear, uninterrupted thought and the unfortunate realization that far too many of us believe we exist on this big ball of dirt only because a few decades ago, our parents had too much tequilia.

Now I certainly do not claim to have all the answers. In fact, while I have a few of these things already figured out, more of them need, if not a do-over, then a serious remodel. But after literally months of deep-seeded soul searching, long nights that have lasted well into that coming day of prayer, and acceptance of the hard to accept, what I do know is this...

Give me a true and loving and righteous God with a fail-safe plan, a good, honest, vibrant, positive woman who will allow me to love and respect her and who can love and respect me right back, a vocation with which I can make a positive difference in the world, a couple of ankle biters to love and raise and worry about, a safe home in which we can all live, a few very good friends to enjoy every once in a while, a healthy dose of humility, the first three Jackson Browne lp's, and a DVD of Nicklaus winning the '86 Masters, and I'm a happy camper.

Because gratefully, I have learned, that when I am gone from this Earth and standing in line at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be judged...

all the rest of it will not have made a darn bit of difference.